XXIII.
DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND
SOCIAL DUTIES.
WHENEVER the laws of body and mind are properly understood, it will
be allowed that every person needs some kind of recreation; and that, by
seeking it, the body is strengthened, the mind is invigorated, and all
our duties are more cheerfully and successfully performed.
Children, whose bodies are rapidly growing and whose nervous system
is tender and excitable, need much more amusement than persons of mature
age. Persons, also, who are oppressed with great responsibilities and
duties, or who are taxed by great intellectual or moral excitement, need
recreations which physically exercise and draw off the mind from
absorbing interests. Unfortunately, such persons are those who least
resort to amusements, while the idle, gay, and thoughtless seek those
which are not needed, and for which useful occupation would be a most
beneficial substitute.
As the only legitimate object of amusement is to prepare mind and
body for the proper discharge of duty, the protracting of such as
interfere with regular employments, or induce excessive fatigue, or
weary the mind, or invade the proper hours for repose, must be sinful.
In deciding what should be selected, and what avoided, the following
are guiding principles. In the first place, no amusements which inflict
needless pain should ever be allowed. All tricks which cause fright or
vexation, and all sports which involve suffering to animals, should be
utterly forbidden. Hunting and fishing, for mere sport, can never
be justified. If a man can convince his children that he follows these
pursuits to gain food or health, and not for amusement, his example may
not be very injurious. But when children see grown persons kill and
frighten animals, for sport, habits of cruelty, rather than feelings of
tenderness and benevolence, are cultivated.
In the next place, we should seek no recreations which endanger
life, or interfere with important duties. As the legitimate object of
amusements is to promote health and prepare for some serious duties,
selecting those which have a directly opposite tendency, can not be
justified. Of course, if a person feels that the previous day's
diversion has shortened the hours of needful repose, or induced a
lassitude of mind or body, instead of invigorating them, it is certain
that an evil has been done which should never be repeated.
Another rule which has been extensively adopted in the religious
world is, to avoid those amusements which experience has shown to be so
exciting, and connected with so many temptations, as to be pernicious in
tendency, both to the individual and to the community. It is on this
ground, that horse-racing and circus-riding have been excluded. Not
because there is any thing positively wrong in having men and horses run
and perform feats of agility, or in persons looking on for the
diversion: but because experience has shown so many evils connected with
these recreations, that they should be relinquished. So with theatres.
The enacting of characters and the amusement thus afforded in themselves
may be harmless; and possibly, in certain cases, might be useful: but
experience has shown so many evils to result from this source, that it
has been deemed wrong to patronize it. So, also, with those exciting
games of chance which are employed in gambling.
Under the same head comes dancing, in the estimation of the great
majority of the religious world. Still, there are many intelligent,
excellent, and conscientious persons who hold a contrary opinion. Such
maintain that it is an innocent
and healthful amusement, tending to promote ease of manners,
cheerfulness, social affection, and health of mind and body; that evils
are involved only in its excess; that like food, study, or religious
excitement, it is only wrong when not properly regulated; and that, if
serious and intelligent people would strive to regulate, rather than
banish, this amusement, much more good would be secured.
On the other side, it is objected, not that dancing is a sin, in
itself considered, for it was once a part of sacred worship; not that it
would be objectionable, if it were properly regulated; not that it does
not tend, when used in a proper manner, to health of body and mind, to
grace of manners, and to social enjoyment: all these things are
conceded. But it is objected to, on the same ground as horse-racing and
theatrical entertainments; that we are to look at amusements as they
are, and not as they might be. Horse-races might be so managed as not to
involve cruelty, gambling, drunkenness, and other vices. And so might
theatres. And if serious and intelligent persons undertook to patronize
these, in order to regulate them, perhaps they would be somewhat raised
from the depths to which they have sunk. But such persons believe that,
with the weak sense of moral obligation existing in the mass of society,
and the imperfect ideas mankind have of the proper use of amusements,
and the little self-control which men or women or children practice,
these will not, in fact, be thus regulated.
And they believe dancing to be liable to the same objections. As
this recreation is actually conducted, it does not tend to produce
health of body or mind, but directly the contrary. If young and old went
out to dance together in open air, as the French peasants do, it would
be a very different sort of amusement from that which often is witnessed
in a room furnished with many lights and filled with guests, both
expending the healthful part of the atmosphere, where the young collect,
in their tightest dresses, to protract for several hours a kind of
physical exertion
which is not habitual to them. During this process, the blood is made to
circulate more swiftly than usual, in circumstances where it is less
perfectly oxygenized than health requires; the pores of the skin are
excited by heat and exercise; the stomach is loaded with indigestible
articles, and the quiet, needful to digestion, withheld; the diversion
is protracted beyond the usual hour for repose; and then, when the skin
is made the most highly susceptible to damps and miasms, the company
pass from a warm room to the cold night-air. It is probable that no
single amusement can be pointed out combining so many injurious
particulars as this, which is so often defended as a healthful one. Even
if parents, who train their children to dance, can keep them from public
balls, (which is seldom the case,) dancing, as ordinarily conducted in
private parlors, in most cases is subject to nearly all the same
mischievous influences.
The spirit of Christ is that of self-denying benevolence; and his
great aim, by his teachings and example, was to train his followers to
avoid all that should lead to sin, especially in regard to the weaker
ones of his family. Yet he made wine at a wedding, attended a social
feast on the Sabbath,
reproved excess of strictness in Sabbath-keeping generally, and forbade
no safe and innocent enjoyment. In following his example, the rulers of
the family, then, will introduce the most highly exciting amusements
only in circumstances where there are such strong principles and habits
of self-control that the enjoyment will not involve sin in the actor or
needless temptation to the weak.
The course pursued by our Puritan ancestors, in the period
succeeding their first perils amid sickness and savages, is an example
that may safely be practiced at the present day. The young of both sexes
were educated in the higher branches, in country academies, and very
often the closing exercises
were theatricals, in which the pupils were performers and their pastors,
elders, and parents, the audience. So, at social gatherings, the dance
was introduced before minister and wife, with smiling approval. The
roaring fires and broad chimneys provided pure air, and the nine o'clock
bell ended the festivities that gave new vigor and zest to life, while
the dawn of the next day's light saw all at their posts of duty, with
heartier strength and blither spirits.
No indecent or unhealthful costumes offended the eye, no half-naked
dancers of dubious morality were sustained in a life of dangerous
excitement, by the money of Christian people, for the mere amusement of
their night hours. No shivering drivers were deprived of comfort and
sleep, to carry home the midnight followers of fashion; nor was the
quiet and comfort of servants in hundreds of dwellings invaded for the
mere amusement of their superiors in education and advantages. The
command "we that are strong, ought to bear the infirmiries of the weak,
and not to please ourselves," was in those days not reversed. Had the
drama and the dance continued to be regulated by the rules of
temperance, health, and Christian benevolence, as in the days of our
forefathers, they would not have been so generally banished from the
religious world. And the question is now being discussed, whether they
can be so regulated at the present time as not to violate the laws,
either of health or benevolence.
In regard to home amusements, card-playing is now indulged in, in
many conscientious families from which it formerly was excluded, and for
these reasons: it is claimed that this is a quiet home amusement, which
unites pleasantly
the aged with the young; that it is not now employed in respectable
society for gambling, as it formerly was; that to some young minds it is
a peculiarly fascinating game, and should be first practiced under the
parental care, till the excitement of novelty is past, thus rendering
the danger to children less, when going into the world; and, finally,
that habits of self-control in exciting circumstances may and should be
thus cultivated in the safety of home. Many parents who have taken this
course with their sons in early life, believe that it has proved rather
a course of safety than of danger. Still, as there is great diversity of
opinion, among persons of equal worth and intelligence, a mutual spirit
of candor and courtesy should be practiced. The sneer at bigotry and
narrowness of views, on one side, and the uncharitable implication of
want of piety, or sense, on the other, are equally ill-bred and
unchristian. Truth on this subject is best promoted, not by ill-natured
crimination and rebuke, but by calm reason, generous candor,
forbearance, and kindness.
There is another species of amusement, which a large portion of the
religious world formerly put under the same condemnation as the
preceeding. This is novel-reading. The confusion and difference of
opinion on this subject have a risen from a want of clear and definite
distinctions. Now, as it is impossible to define what are novels and
what are not, so as to include one class of fictitious writings and
exclude every other, it is impossible to lay down any rule respecting
them. The discussion, in fact, turns on the use of those works of
imagination which belong to the class of fictitious narratives. That
this species of reading is not only lawful but necessary and useful, is
settled by divine examples, in the parables and allegories of Scripture.
Of course, the question must be, what kind of fabulous writings must be
avoided, and what allowed.
In deciding this, no specific rules can be given; but it must be a
matter to be regulated by the nature and circumstances
of each case. No works of fiction which tend to throw the allurements of
taste and genius around vice and crime should ever be tolerated; and all
that tend to give false views of life and duty should also be banished.
Of those which are written for mere amusement, presenting scenes and
events that are interesting and exciting and having no bad moral
influence, much must depend on the character and circumstances of the
reader. Some minds are torpid and phlegmatic, and need to have the
imagination stimulated: such would be benefited by this kind of reading.
Others have quick and active imaginations, and would be as much injured
by excess. Some persons are often so engaged in absorbing interests,
that any thing innocent, which will for a short time draw off the mind,
is of the nature of a medicine; and, in such cases, this kind of reading
is useful.
There is need, also, that some men should keep a supervision of the
current literature of the day, as guardians, to warn others of danger.
For this purpose, it is more suitable for editors, clergymen, and
teachers to read indiscriminately, than for any other class of persons;
for they are the guardians of the public weal in matters of literature,
and should be prepared to advise parents and young persons of the evils
in one direction and the good in another. In doing this, however, they
are bound to go on the same principles which regulate physicians, when
they visit infected districts--using every precaution to prevent injury
to themselves; having as little to do with pernicious exposures, as a
benevolent regard to others will allow; and faithfully employing all the
knowledge and opportunities thus gained for warning and preserving
others. There is much danger, in taking this course, that men will seek
the excitement of the imagination for the mere pleasure it affords,
under the plea of preparing to serve the public, when this is neither
the aim nor the result.
In regard to the use of such works by the young, as a
general rule, they ought not to be allowed to any except those of a dull
and phlegmatic temperament, until the solid parts of education are
secured and a taste for more elevated reading is acquired. If these
stimulating condiments in literature be freely used in youth, all relish
for more solid reading will in a majority of cases be destroyed. If
parents succeed in securing habits of cheerful and implicit obedience,
it will be very easy to regulate this matter, by prohibiting the reading
of any story-book, until the consent of the parent is obtained.
The most successful mode of forming a taste for suitable reading, is
for parents to select interesting works of history and travels, with
maps and pictures suited to the age and attainments of the young, and
spend an hour or two each day or evening, in aiming to make truth as
interesting as fiction. Whoever has once tried this method will find
that the uninjured mind of childhood is better satisfied with what they
know is true, when wisely presented, than with the most exciting novels,
which they know are false.
Perhaps there has been some just ground of objection to the course
often pursued by parents in neglecting to provide suitable and agreeable
substitutes for the amusements denied. But there is a great abundance of
safe, healthful, and delightful recreations, which all parents may
secure for their children. Some of these will here be pointed out.
One of the most useful and important, is the cultivation of flowers
and fruits. This, especially for the daughters of a family, is greatly
promotive of health and amusement. It is with the hope that many young
ladies, whose habits are now so formed that they can never be induced to
a course of active domestic exercise so long as their parents are able
to hire domestic service, may yet be led to an employment which will
tend to secure health and vigor of constitution, that much space will be
given in the second volume of this work, to directions for the
cultivation of fruits and flowers.
It would be a most desirable improvement, if all schools for young
women could be furnished with suitable grounds and instruments for the
cultivation of fruits and flowers, and every inducement offered to
engage the pupils in this pursuit. No father, who wishes to have his
daughters grow up to be healthful women, can take a surer method to
secure this end. Let him set apart a portion of his ground for fruits
and flowers, and see that the soil is well prepared and dug over, and
all the rest may be committed to the care of the children. These would
need to be provided with a light hoe and rake, a dibble or garden
trowel, a watering-pot, and means and opportunities for securing seeds,
roots, bulbs, buds, and grafts, all which might be done at a trifling
expense. Then, with proper encouragement and by the aid of a few
intelligible and practical directions, every man who has even half an
acre could secure a small Eden around his premises.
In pursuing this amusement children can also be led to acquire many
useful habits. Early rising would, in many cases, be thus secured; and
if they were required to keep their walks and borders free from weeds
and rubbish, habits of order and neatness would be induced. Benevolent
and social feelings could also be cultivated, by influencing children to
share their fruits and flowers with friends and neighbors, as well as to
distribute roots and seeds to those who have not the means of procuring
them. A woman or a child, by giving seeds or slips or roots to a
washerwoman, or a farmer's boy, thus inciting them to love and cultivate
fruits and flowers, awakens a new and refining source of enjoyment in
minds which have few resources more elevated than mere physical
enjoyments. Our Saviour directs us in making feasts, to call, not the
rich who can recompense again, but the poor who can make no returns. So
children should be taught to dispense their little treasures not alone
to companions and friends, who will probably return similar favors; but
to those who have no means of
making any return. If the rich, who acquire a love for the enjoyments of
taste and have the means to gratify it, would aim to extend among the
poor the cheap and simple enjoyment of fruits and flowers, our country
would soon literally "blossom as the rose."
If the ladies of a neighborhood would unite small contributions, and
send a list of flower-seeds and roots to some respectable and honest
florist, who would not be likely to turn them off with trash, they could
divide these among themselves and their poor neighbors, so as to secure
an abundant variety at a very small expense. A bag of flower-seeds,
which can be obtained at wholesale for four cents, would abundantly
supply a whole neighborhood; and by the gathering of seeds in the
autumn, could be perpetuated.
Another very elevating and delightful recreation for the young is
found in music. Here the writer
would protest against the practice common in many families, of having
the daughters learn to play on the piano whether they have a taste and
an ear for music, or not. A young lady who does not sing well, and has
no great fondness for music, does nothing but waste time, money, and
patience in learning to play on the piano. But all children can be
taught to sing in early childhood, if the scientific mode of teaching
music in schools could be more widely introduced, as it is in Prussia,
Germany, and Switzerland. Then young children could read and sing music
as easily as they can read language; and might take any tune, dividing
themselves into bands, and sing off at sight the endless variety of
music which is prepared. And if parents of wealth would take pains to
have teachers qualified for the purpose, who should teach all the young
children in the community, much would be done for the happiness and
elevation of the rising generation. This is an element of education
which we are glad to know is, year by year, more extensively and
carefully cultivated; and it is
not only a means of culture, but also an amusement, which children
relish in the highest degree; and which they can enjoy at home, in the
fields, and in visits abroad.
Another domestic amusement is the collecting of shells, plants, and
specimens in geology and mineralogy, for the formation of cabinets. If
intelligent parents would procure the simpler works which have been
prepared for the young, and study them with their children, a taste for
such recreations would soon be developed. The writer has seen young
boys, of eight and ten years of age, gathering and cleaning shells from
rivers, and collecting plants and mineralogical specimens, with a
delight bordering on ecstasy; and there are few, if any, who by proper
influences would not find this a source of ceaseless delight and
improvement.
Another resource for family diversion is to be found in the various
games played by children, and in which the joining of older members of
the family is always a great advantage to both parties, especially those
in the open air.
All medical men unite in declaring that nothing is more beneficial
to health than hearty laughter; and surely our benevolent Creator would
not have provided risibles, and made it a source of health and enjoyment
to use them, if it were a sin so to do. There has been a tendency to
asceticism, on this subject, which needs to be removed. Such commands as
forbid foolish laughing and
jesting, "which are not convenient,"
and which forbid all idle words and vain conversation, can not apply to
any thing except what is foolish, vain, and useless. But jokes,
laughter, and sports, when used in such a degree as tends only to
promote health and happiness, are neither vain, foolish, nor "not
convenient." It is the excess of these things, and not the moderate use
of them, which Scripture forbids. The prevailing temper of the mind
should be serious, yet cheerful; and there are times when relaxation and
laughter are not only proper but necessary and right for all. There
is nothing better for this end than that parents and older persons
should join in the sports of childhood. Mature minds can always make
such diversions more entertaining to children, and can exert a healthful
moral influence over their minds; and at the same time can gain exercise
and amusement for themselves. How lamentable that so many fathers, who
could be thus useful and happy with their children, throw away such
opportunities, and wear out soul and body in the pursuit of gain or
fame!
Another resource for children is the exercise of mechanical skill.
Fathers, by providing tools for their boys, and showing them how to make
wheelbarrows, carts, sleds, and various other articles, contribute both
to the physical, moral, and social improvement of their children. And in
regard to little daughters, much more can be done in this way than many
would imagine. The wrtiter, blessed with the example of a most ingenious
and industrious mother, had not only learned before the age of twelve to
make dolls, of various sorts and sizes, but to cut and fit and sew every
article that belongs to a doll's wardrobe. This, which was done by the
child for mere amusement, secured such a facility in mechanical
pursuits, that, ever afterward, the cutting and fitting of any article
of dress, for either sex, was accomplished with entire ease.
When a little girl begins to sew, her mother can promise her a small
bed and pillow, as soon as she has sewed a patch quilt for them; and
then a bedstead, as soon as she has sewed the sheets and cases for
pillows; and then a large doll to dress, as soon as she has made the
under-garments; and thus go on till the whole contents of the baby-house
are earned by the needle and skill of its little owner. Thus the task of
learning to sew will become a pleasure; and every new toy will be earned
by useful exertion. A little girl can be taught, by the aid of patterns
prepared for the purpose, to cut and fit all articles necessary for her
doll. She can also be provided with a little wash-tub and irons,
and thus keep in proper order a complete miniature domestic
establishment.
Besides these recreations, there are the enjoyments secured in
walking, riding, visiting, and many other employments which need not be
recounted. Children, if trained to be healthful and industrious, will
never fail to discover resources of amusement; while their guardians
should lend their aid to guide and restrain them from excess.
There is need of a very great change of opinion and practice in this
nation in regard to the subject of social and domestic duties. Many
sensible and conscientious men spend all their time abroad in business;
except perhaps an hour or so at night, when they are so fatigued as to
be unfitted for any social or intellectual enjoyment. And some of the
most conscientious men in the country will add to their professional
business public or benevolent enterprises, which demand time, effort,
and money; and then excuse themselves for neglecting all care of their
children, and efforts for their own intellectual improvement, or for the
improvement of their families, by the plea that they have no time for
it.
All this arises from the want of correct notions of the binding
obligation of our social and domestic duties. The main object of life is
not to secure the various gratifications of appetite or taste, but to
form such a character, for ourselves and others, as will secure the
greatest amount of present and future happiness. It is of far more
consequence, then, that parents should be intelligent, social,
affectionate, and agreeable at home and to their friends, than that they
should earn money enough to live in a large house and have handsome
furniture. It is far more needful for children that a father should
attend to the formation of their character and habits, and aid in
developing their social, intellectual, and moral nature, than it is that
he should earn money to furnish them with handsome clothes and a variety
of tempting food.
It will be wise for those parents who find little time to attend to
their children, or to seek amusement and enjoyment in the domestic and
social circle, because their time is so much occupied with public cares
or benevolent objects, to inquire whether their first duty is not to
train up their own families to be useful member of society. A man who
neglects the mind and morals of his children, to take care of the
public, is in great danger of coming under a similar condemnation to
that of him who, neglecting to provide for his own household, has
"denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
There are husbands and fathers who conscientiously subtract time
from their business to spend at home, in reading with their wives and
children, and in domestic amusements which at once refresh and improve.
The children of such parents will grow up with a love of home and
kindred which will be the greatest safeguard against future temptations,
as well as the purest source of earthly enjoyment.
There are families, also, who make it a definite object to keep up
family attachments, after the children are scattered abroad; and, in
some cases, secure the means for doing this by saving money which would
otherwise have been spent for superfluities of food or dress. Some
families have adopted, for this end, a practice which, if widely
imitated, would be productive of much enjoyment. The method is this: On
the first day of each month, some member of the family, at each extreme
point of dispersion, takes a folio sheet, and fills a part of a page.
This is sealed and mailed to the next family, who read it, add another
contribution, and then mail it to the next. Thus the family circular,
once a month, goes from each extreme to all the members of a
widely-dispersed family, and each member becomes a sharer in the joys,
sorrows, plans, and pursuits of all the rest. At the same time, frequent
family meetings are sought; and the expense thus incurred is cheerfully
met by
retrenchments in other directions. The sacrifice of some unnecessary
physical indulgence will often purchase many social and domestic
enjoyments, a thousand times more elevating and delightful than the
retrenched luxury.
There is no social duty which the Supreme Law-giver more strenuously
urges than hospitality and kindness to strangers, who are classed with
the widow and the fatherless as the special objects of Divine
tenderness. There are some reasons why this duty peculiarly demands
attention from the American people.
Reverses of fortune, in this land, are so frequent and unexpected,
and the habits of the people are so migratory, that there are very many
in every part of the country who, having seen all their temporal plans
and hopes crushed, are now pining among strangers, bereft of wonted
comforts, without friends, and without the sympathy and society so
needful to wounded spirits. Such, too frequently, sojourn long and
lonely, with no comforter but Him who "knoweth the heart of a stranger."
Whenever, therefore, new-comers enter a community, inquiry should
immediately be made as to whether they have friends or associates, to
render sympathy and kind attentions; and, when there is any need for it,
the ministries of kind neighborliness should immediately be offered. And
it should be remembered that the first days of a stranger's sojourn are
the most dreary, and that civility and kindness are doubled in value by
being offered at an early period.
In social gatherings the claims of the stranger are too apt to be
forgotten; especially in cases where there are no peculiar attractions
of personal appearance, or talents, or high standing. Such a one should
be treated with attention, because
he is a stranger; and when communities learn to act more from principle,
and less from selfish impulse, on this subject, the sacred claims of the
stranger will be less frequently forgotten.
The most agreeable hospitality to visitors who become
inmates of a family, is that which puts them entirely at ease. This can
never be the case where the guest perceives that the order of family
arrangement is essentially altered, and that time, comfort, and
convenience are sacrificed for his accommodation.
Offering the best to visitors, showing a polite regard to every wish
expressed, and giving precedence to them, in all matters of comfort and
convenience, can be easily combined with the easy freedom which makes
the stranger feel at home; and this is the perfection of hospitable
entertainment.
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