XXV.
THE CARE OF SERVANTS.
ALTHOUGH in earlier ages the highest born, wealthiest, and proudest
ladies were skilled in the simple labors of the household, the advance
of society toward luxury has changed all that in lands of aristocracy
and classes, and at the present time America is the only country where
there is a class of women who may be described as
ladies who do their own work. By
a lady we mean a woman of education, cultivation, and refinement, of
liberal tastes and ideas, who, without any very material additions or
changes, would be recognized as a lady in any circle of the Old World or
the New.
The existence of such a class is a fact peculiar to American
society, a plain result of the new principles involved in the doctrine
of universal equality.
When the colonists first came to this country, of however mixed
ingredients their ranks might have been composed, and however imbued
with the spirit of feudal and aristocratic ideas, the discipline of the
wilderness soon brought them to a democratic level; the gentleman felled
the wood for his log-cabin side by side with the plowman, and thews and
sinews rose in the market. "A man was deemed honorable in proportion as
he lifted his hand upon the high trees of the forest." So in the
interior domestic circle. Mistress and maid, living in a log-cabin
together, became companions, and sometimes the maid, as the one
well-trained in domestic labor, took precedence of the mistress. It also
became natural and unavoidable that children should begin to work as
early as they were capable of it.
The result was a generation of intelligent people brought up to
labor from necessity, but devoting to the problem of labor the acuteness
of a disciplined brain. The mistress, out-done in sinews and muscles by
her maid, kept her superiority by skill and contrivance. If she could
not lift a pail of water, she could invent methods which made lifting
the pail unnecessary,--if she could not take a hundred steps without
weariness, she could make twenty answer the purpose of a hundred.
Slavery, it is true, was to some extent introduced into New-England,
but it never suited the genius of the people, never struck deep root or
spread so as to choke the good seed of self-helpfulness. Many were
opposed to it from conscientious principle--many from far-sighted
thrift, and from a love of thoroughness and well-doing which despised
the rude, unskilled work of barbarians. People, having once felt the
thorough neatness and beauty of execution which came of free, educated,
and thoughtful labor, could not tolerate the clumsiness of slavery.
Thus it came to pass that for many years the rural population of
New-England, as a general rule, did their own work, both out-doors and
in. If there were a black man or black woman or bound girl, they were
emphatically only the helps,
following humbly the steps of master and mistress, and used by them as
instruments of lightening certain portions of their toil. The master and
mistress, with their children, were the head workers.
Great merriment has been excited in the old country because, years
ago, the first English travelers found that the class of persons by them
denominated servants, were in America denominated
help, or helpers. But the term
was the very best exponent of the state of society. There were few
servants, in the European sense of the word; there was a society of
educated workers, where all
were practically equal, and where, if there was a deficiency in one
family and an excess in another, a
helper, not a servant in the European sense, was hired. Mrs.
Brown, who has several sons and no daughters, enters into agreement with
Mrs. Jones, who has several daughters and no sons. She borrows a
daughter, and pays her good wages to help in her domestic toil, and
sends a son to help the labors of Mr. Jones. These two young people go
into the families in which they are to be employed in all respects as
equals and companions, and so the work of the community is equalized.
Hence arose, and for many years continued, a state of society more
nearly solving than any other ever did the problem of combining the
highest culture of the mind with the highest culture of the muscles and
the physical faculties.
Then were to be seen families of daughters, handsome, strong women,
rising each day to their in-door work with cheerful alertness--one to
sweep the room, another to make the fire, while a third prepared the
breakfast for the father and brothers who were going out to manly labor:
and they chatted meanwhile of books, studies, embroidery; discussed the
last new poem, or some historical topic started by graver reading, or
perhaps a rural ball that was to come off next week. They spun with the
book tied to the distaff; they wove; they did all manner of fine
needle-work; they made lace, painted flowers, and, in short, in the
boundless consciousness of activity, invention, and perfect health, set
themselves to any work they had ever read or thought of. A bride in
those days was married with sheets and tablecloths of her own weaving,
with counterpanes and toilet-covers wrought in divers embroidery by her
own and her sisters' hands. The amount of fancy-work done in our days by
girls who have nothing else to do, will not equal what was done by these
who performed, besides, among them, the whole work of the family.
In those former days most women were in good health,
debility and disease being the exception. Then, too, was seen the
economy of daylight and its pleasures. They were used to early rising,
and would not lie in bed, if they could. Long years of practice made
them familiar with the shortest, neatest, most expeditious method of
doing every household office, so that really for the greater part of the
time in the house there seemed, to a looker-on, to be nothing to do.
They rose in the morning and dispatched husband, father, and brothers to
the farm or wood-lot; went sociably about, chatting with each other,
skimmed the milk, made the butter, and turned the cheeses. The forenoon
was long; ten to one, all the so-called morning work over, they had
leisure for an hour's sewing or reading before it was time to start the
dinner preparations. By two o'clock the house-work was done, and they
had the long afternoon for books, needle-work, or drawing--for perhaps
there was one with a gift at her pencil. Perhaps one read aloud while
others sewed, and managed in that way to keep up a great deal of
reading.
It is said that women who have been accustomed to doing their own
work become hard mistresses. They are certainly more sure of the ground
they stand on--they are less to open imposition--they can speak and act
in their own houses more as those "having authority," and therefore are
less afraid to exact what is justly their due, and less willing to
endure impertinence and unfaithfulness. Their general error lies in
expecting that any servant ever will do as well for them as they will do
for themselves, and that an untrained, undisciplined human being ever
can do house-work, or any other
work, with the neatness and perfection that a person of trained
intelligence can.
It has been remarked in our armies that the men of cultivation,
though bred in delicate and refined spheres, can bear up under the
hardships of camp-life better and longer than rough laborers. The reason
is, that an educated mind knows how to use and save its body, to work it
and spare
it, as an uneducated mind can not; and so the college-bred youth brings
himself safely through fatigues which kill the unreflective laborer.
Cultivated, intelligent women, who are brought up to do the work of
their own families, are labor-saving institutions. They make the head
save the wear of the muscles. By forethought, contrivance, system, and
arrangement they lessen the amount to be done, and do it with less
expense of time and strength than others. The old New-England motto,
Get your work done up in the forenoon,
applied to an amount of work which would keep a common Irish servant
toiling from daylight to sunset.
A lady living in one of our obscure New-England towns, where there
were no servants to be hired, at last, by sending to a distant city,
succeeded in procuring a raw Irish maid-of-all-work, a creature of
immense bone and muscle, but of heavy, unawakened brain. In one
fortnight she established such a reign of Chaos and old Night in the the
kitchen and through the house that her mistress, a delicate woman,
encumbered with the care of young children, began seriously to think
that she made more work each day than she performed, and dismissed her.
What was now to be done? Fortunately, the daughter of a neighboring
farmer was going to be married in six months, and wanted a little ready
money for her trousseau. The
lady was informed that Miss So-and-so would come to her, not as a
servant, but as hired "help." She was fain to accept any help with
gladness.
Forthwith came into the family-circle a tall, well-dressed young
person, grave, unobtrusive, self-respecting, yet not in the least
presuming, who sat at the family table and observed all its decorums
with the modest self-possession of a lady. The new-comer took a survey
of the labors of a family of ten members, including four or five young
children, and, looking, seemed at once to throw them into system;
matured her plans, arranged her hours of washing,
ironing, baking, and cleaning; rose early, moved deftly; and in a single
day the slatternly and littered kitchen assumed that neat, orderly
appearance that so often strikes one in New-England farm-houses. The
work seemed to be all gone. Every thing was nicely washed, brightened,
put in place, and staid in place; the floors, when cleaned, remained
clean; the work was always done, and not doing; and every afternoon the
lady sat neatly dressed in her own apartment, either quietly writing
letters to her betrothed, or sewing on her bridal outfit. Such is the
result of employing those who have been brought up to do their own work.
That tall, fine-looking girl, for aught we know, may yet be mistress of
a fine house on Fifth Avenue; and if she is, she will, we fear, prove
rather an exacting mistress to Irish Bridget; but she will never be
threatened by her cook and chambermaid, after the first one or two have
tried the experiment.
Those remarkable women of old were made by circumstances. There
were, comparatively speaking, no servants to be had, and so children
were trained to habits of industry and mechanical adroitness from the
cradle, and every household process was reduced to the very minimum of
labor. Every step required in a process was counted, every movement
calculated; and she who took ten steps, when one would do, lost her
reputation for "faculty." Certainly such an early drill was of use in
developing the health and the bodily powers, as well as in giving
precision to the practical mental faculties. All household economies
were arranged with equal niceness in those thoughtful minds. A trained
housekeeper knew just how many sticks of hickory of a certain size were
required to heat her oven, and how many of each different kind of wood.
She knew by a sort of intuition just what kinds of food would yield the
most palatable nutriment with the least outlay of accessories in
cooking. She knew to a minute the time when each article must go into
and be withdrawn from her oven; and if
she could only lie in her chamber and direct, she could guide an
intelligent child through the processes with mathematical certainty.
It is impossible, however, that any thing but early training and
long experience can produce these results, and it is earnestly to be
wished that the grandmothers of New-England had written down their
experiences for our children; they would have been a mine of maxims and
traditions better than any other "traditions of the elders" which we
know of.
In this country, our democratic institutions have removed the
superincumbent pressure which in the Old World confines the servants to
a regular orbit. They come here feeling that this is somehow a land of
liberty, and with very dim and confused notions of what liberty is. They
are very extensively the raw, untrained Irish peasantry, and the wonder
is, that, with all the unreasoning heats and prejudices of the Celtic
blood, all the necessary ignorance and rawness, there should be the
measure of comfort and success there is in our domestic arrangements.
But, as long as things are so, there will be constant changes and
interruptions in every domestic establishment, and constantly recurring
interregnums when the mistress must put her own hand to the work,
whether the hand be a trained or an untrained one. As matters now are,
the young housekeeper takes life at the hardest. She has very little
strength,--no experience to teach her how to save her strength. She
knows nothing experimentally of the simplest processes necessary to keep
her family comfortably fed and clothed; and she has a way of looking at
all these things which makes them particularly hard and distasteful to
her. She does not escape being obliged to do house-work at intervals,
but she does it in a weak, blundering, confused way, that makes it twice
as hard and disagreeable as it need be.
Now, if every young woman learned to do house-work,
and cultivated her practical faculties in early life, she would, in the
first place, be much more likely to keep her servants, and, in the
second place, if she lost them temporarily, would avoid all that wear
and tear of the nervous system which comes from constant ill-success in
those departments on which family health and temper mainly depend. This
is one of the peculiarities of our American life, which require a
peculiar training. Why not face it sensibly?
Our land is now full of motorpathic institutions to which women are
sent at a great expense to have hired operators stretch and exercise
their inactive muscles. They lie for hours to have their feet twigged,
their arms flexed, and all the different muscles of the body worked for
them, because they are so flaccid and torpid that the powers of life do
not go on. Would it not be quite as cheerful, and a less expensive
process, if young girls from early life developed the muscles in
sweeping, dusting, starching, ironing, and all the multiplied domestic
processes which our grandmothers knew of? A woman who did all these, and
diversified the intervals with spinning on the great and little wheel,
did not need the gymnastics of Dio Lewis or of the Swedish Movement
Cure, which really are a necessity now. Does it not seem poor economy to
pay servants for letting our muscles grow feeble, and then to pay
operators to exercise them for us? I will venture to say that our
grandmothers in a week went over every movement that any gymnast has
invented, and went over them to some productive purpose too.
The first business of a housekeeper in America is that of a teacher.
She can have a good table only by having practical knowledge, and tact
in imparting it. If she understands her business practically and
experimentally, her eye detects at once the weak spot; it requires only
a little tact, some patience, some clearness in giving directions, and
all comes right.
If we carry a watch to a watchmaker, and undertake to show him how
to regulate the machinery, he laughs and goes on his own way; but if a
brother-machinist makes suggestions, he listens respectfully. So, when a
woman who knows nothing of woman's work undertakes to instruct one who
knows more than she does, she makes no impression; but a woman who has
been trained experimentally, and shows she understands the matter
thoroughly, is listened to with respect.
Let a woman make her own bread for one month, and, simple as the
process seems, it will take as long as that to get a thorough knowledge
of all the possibilities in the case; but after that, she will be able
to command good bread by the aid of all sorts of servants; in other
words, will be a thoroughly prepared teacher.
Although bread-making seems a simple process, it yet requires
delicate care and watchfulness. There are fifty ways to spoil good
bread; there are a hundred little things to be considered and allowed
for, that require accurate observation and experience. The same process
that will raise good bread in cold weather will make sour bread in the
heat of summer; different qualities of flour require variations in
treatment, as also different sorts and conditions of yeast; and when all
is done, the baking presents another series of possibilities which
require exact attention.
A well-trained mind, accustomed to reflect, analyze, and generalize,
has an advantage over uncultured minds even of double experience. Poor
as your cook is, she now knows more of her business than you do. After a
very brief period of attention and experiment, you will not only know
more than she does, but you will convince her that you do, which is
quite as much to the purpose.
In the same manner, lessons must be given on the washing of sliver
and making of beds. Good servants do not often come to us; they must be
made by patience and training;
and if a girl has a good disposition and a
reasonable degree of handiness, and the housekeeper understands her
profession, a good servant may be made out of an indifferent one. Some
of the best girls have been those who came directly from the ship, with
no preparation but docility and some natural quickness. The hardest
cases to be managed are not of those who have been taught nothing, but
of those who have been taught wrongly--who come self-opinionated, with
ways which are distasteful, and contrary to the genius of one's
housekeeping. Such require that their mistress shall understand at least
so much of the actual conduct of affairs as to prove to the servant that
there are better ways than those in which she has been trained.
So much has been said of the higher sphere of woman, and so much has
been done to find some better work for her that, insensibly, almost
every body begins to feel that it is rather degrading for a woman in
good society to be much tied down to family affairs; especially since in
these Woman's Rights Conventions there is so much dissatistaction
expressed at those who would confine her ideas to the kitchen and
nursery.
Yet these Woman's Rights Conventions are a protest against many
former absurd, unreasonable ideas--the mere physical and culinary idea
of womanhood as connected only with puddings and shirt-buttons, the
unjust and unequal burdens which the laws of harsher ages had cast upon
the sex. Many of the women connected with these movements are as
superior in every thing properly womanly as they are in exceptional
talent and culture. There is no manner of doubt that the sphere of woman
is properly to be enlarged. Every woman has rights as a human being
which belong to no sex, and ought to be as freely conceded to her as if
she were a man,--and first and foremost, the great right of doing any
thing which God and nature evidently have fitted her to excel in. If she
be made a natural orator, like Miss Dickinson, or an astronomer, like
Mrs.
Somerville, or a singer, like Grisi, let not the technical rules of
womanhood be thrown in the way of her free use of her powers.
Still, per contra, there has
been a great deal of crude, disagreeable talk in these conventions, and
too great tendency of the age to make the education of woman
anti-domestic. It seems as if the world never could advance, except like
ships under a head-wind, tacking and going too far, now in this
direction, and now in the opposite. Our common-school system now rejects
sewing from the education of girls, which very properly used to occupy
many hours daily in school a generation ago. The daughters of laborers
and artisans are put through algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and the
higher mathematics, to the entire neglect of that learning which belongs
distinctively to woman. A girl often can not keep pace with her class,
if she gives any time to domestic matters; and accordingly she is
excused from them all during the whole term of her education. The boy of
a family, at an early age, is put to a trade, or the labors of a farm;
the father becomes impatient of his support, and requires of him to take
care for himself. Hence an interrupted education--learning coming by
snatches in the winter months or in the intervals of work.
As the result, the young women in some of our country towns are, in
mental culture, much in advance of the males of the same household; but
with this comes a physical delicacy, the result of an exclusive use of
the brain and a neglect of the muscular system, with great inefficiency
in practical domestic duties. The race of strong, hardy, cheerful girls,
that used to grow up in counrty places, and made the bright, neat,
New-England kitchens of old times--the girls that could wash, iron,
brew, bake, harness a horse and drive him, no less than braid straw,
embroider, draw, paint, and read innumberable books--this race of women,
pride of olden time, is daily lessening; and in their stead come the
fragile, easily-fatigued, languid girls of a modern age,
drilled in book-learning, ignorant of common things. The great danger of
all this, and of the evils that come from it, is, that society, by and
by, will turn as blindly against female intellectual culture as it now
advocates it, and having worked disproportionately one way, will work
disproportionately in the opposite direction.
Domestic service is the great problem of life here in America; the
happiness of families, their thrift, well-being, and comfort, are more
affected by this than by any one thing else. The modern girls, as they
have been brought up, can not perform the labor of their own families as
in those simpler, old-fashioned days; and what is worse, they have no
practical skill with which to instruct servants, who come to us, as a
class, raw and untrained. In the present state of prices, the board of a
domestic costs double her wages, and the waste she makes is a more
serious matter still.
Many of the domestic evils in America originate in the fact that,
while society here is professedly based on new principles which ought to
make social life in every respect different from the life of the Old
World, yet these principles have never been so thought out and applied
as to give consistency and harmony to our daily relations. America
starts with a political organization based on a declaration of the
primitive freedom and equality of all men. Every human being, according
to this principle, stands on the same natural level with every other,
and has the same chance to rise according to the degree of power or
capacity given by the Creator. All our civil institutions are designed
to preserve this equality, as far as possible, from generation to
generation: there is no entailed property, there are no hereditary
titles, no monopolies, no privileged classes--all are to be as free to
rise and fall as the waves of the sea.
The condition of domestic service, however, still retains about it
something of the influences from feudal times, and from the near
presence of slavery in neighboring States.
All English literature of the world describes domestic service in the
old feudal spirit and with the old feudal language, which regarded the
master as belonging to a privileged class and the servant to an inferior
one. There is not a play, not a poem, not a novel, not a history, that
does not present this view. The master's rights, like the rights of
kings, were supposed to rest in his being born in a superior rank. The
good servant was one who, from childhood, had learned "to order himself
lowly and reverently to all his betters." When New-England brought to
these shores the theory of democracy, she brought, in the persons of the
first pilgrims, the habits of thought and of action formed in
aristocratic communities. Winthrop's Journal, and all the old records of
the earlier colonists, show households where masters and mistresses
stood on the "right divine" of the privileged classes, howsoever they
might have risen up against authorities themselves.
The first consequence of this state of things was a universal
rejection of domestic service in all classes of American-born society.
For a generation or two there was, indeed, a sort of interchange of
family strength,--sons and daughters engaging in the service of
neighboring families, in default of a sufficient working-force of their
own, but always on conditions of strict equality. The assistant was to
share the table, the family sitting-room, and every honor and attention
that might be claimed by son or daughter. When families increased in
refinement and education so as to make these conditions of close
intimacy with more uncultured neighbors disagreeable, they had to choose
between such intimacies and the performance of their own domestic toil.
No wages could induce a son or daughter of New-England to take the
condition of a servant on terms which they thought applicable to that of
a slave. The slightest hint of a separate table was resented as an
insult; not to enter the front door, and not to sit in the front parlor
on state occasions, was bitterly commented on as a personal indignity.
The well-taught, self-respecting daughters of farmers, the class
most valuable in domestic service, gradually retired from it. They
preferred any other employment, however laborious. Beyond all doubt, the
labors of a well-regulated family are more healthy, more cheerful, more
interesting, because less monotonous, than the mechanical toils of a
factory; yet the girls of New-England, with one consent, preferred the
factory, and left the whole business of domestic service to a foreign
population; and they did it mainly because they would not take positions
in families as an inferior laboring-class by the side of others of their
own age who assumed as their prerogative to live without labor.
"I can't let you have one of my daughters," said an energetic matron
to her neighbor from the city, who was seeking for a sevant in her
summer vacation; "if you hadn't daughters of your own, may be I would;
but my girls are not going to work so that your girls may live in
idleness."
It was vain to offer money. "We don't need your money, ma'am; we can
support ourselves in other ways; my girls can braid straw, and bind
shoes, but they are not going to be slaves to any body."
In the Irish and German servants who took the place of Americans in
families, there was, to begin with, the tradition of education in favor
of a higher class; but even the foreign population became more or less
infected with the spirit of democracy. They came to this country with
vague notions of freedom and equality, and in ignorant and uncultivated
people such ideas are often more unreasonable for being vague. They did
not, indeed, claim a seat at the table and in the parlor, but they
repudiated many of those habits of respect and courtesy which belonged
to their former condition, and asserted their own will and way in the
round, unvarnished phrase which they supposed to be their right as
republican citizens. Life became a sort of
domestic wrangle and struggle between the employers, who secretly
confessed their weakness, but endeavored openly to assume the air and
bearing of authority, and the employed, who knew their power and
insisted on their privileges.
From this cause domestic service in America has had less of mutual
kindliness than in old countries. Its terms have been so ill-understood
and defined that both parties have assumed the defensive; and a common
topic of conversation in American female society has often been the
general servile war which in one form or another was going on in their
different families--a war as interminable as would be a struggle between
aristocracy and common people, undefined by any bill of rights or
constitution, and therefore opening fields for endless disputes.
In England, the class who go to service
are a class, and service is a
profession; the distance between them and their employers is so marked
and defined, and all the customs and requirements of the position are so
perfectly understood, that the master or mistress has no fear of being
compromised by condescension, and no need of the external voice or air
of authority. The higher up in the social scale one goes, the more
courteous seems to become the intercourse of master and servant; the
more perfect and real the power, the more is it veiled in outward
expression--commands are phrased as requests, and gentleness of voice
and manner covers an authority which no one would think of offending
without trembling.
But in America all is undefined. In the first place, there is no
class who mean to make domestic service a profession to live and die in.
It is universally an expedient, a stepping-stone to something higher;
your best servants always have some thing else in view as soon as they
have laid by a little money; some form of independence which shall give
them a home of their own is constantly in mind. Families look forward to
the buying of landed homesteads,
and the scattered brothers and sisters work awhile in domestic service
to gain the common fund for the purpose; your seamstress intends to
become a dressmaker, and take in work at her own house; your cook is
pondering a marriage with the baker, which shall transfer her toils from
your cooking-stove to her own.
Young women are eagerly rushing into every other employment, till
feminine trades and callings are all over-stocked. We are continually
harrowed with tales of the sufferings of distressed needle-women, of the
exactions and extortions practiced on the frail sex in the many branches
of labor and trade at which they try their hands; and yet women will
encounter all these chances of ruin and starvation rather than make up
their minds to permanent domestic service.
Now, what is the matter with domestic service? One would think, on
the face of it, that a calling which gives a settled home, a comfortable
room, rent-free, with fire and lights, good board and lodging, and
steady, well-paid wages, would certainly offer more attractions than the
making of shirts for tenpence, with all the risks of providing one's own
sustenance and shelter.
Is it not mainly from the want of a definite idea of the true
position of a servant under our democratic institutions that domestic
service is so shunned and avoided in America, and that it is the very
last thing which an intelligent young woman will look to for a living?
It is more the want of personal respect toward those in that position
than the labor incident to it which repels our people from it. Many
would be willing to perform these labors, but they are not willing to
place themselves in a situation where their self-respect is hourly
wounded by the implication of a degree of inferiority,
which does not follow any kind of labor
or service in this country but that of the family.
There exists in the minds of employers an unsuspected spirit of
superiority, which is stimulated into an active
form by the resistance which democracy inspires in the working-class.
Many families think of servants only as a necessary evil, their wages as
exactions, and all that is allowed them as so much taken from the
family; and they seek in every way to get from them as much and to give
them as little as possible. Their rooms are the neglected,
ill-furnished, incommodious ones--and the kitchen is the most cheerless
and comfortless place in the house.
Other families, more good-natured and liberal, provide their
domestics with more suitable accommodations, and are more indulgent; but
there is still a latent spirit of something like contempt for the
position. That they treat their servants with so much consideration
seems to them a merit entitling them to the most prostrate gratitude;
and they are constantly disappointed and shocked at that want of sense
of inferiority on the part of these people which leads them to
appropriate pleasant rooms, good furniture, and good living as mere
matters of common justice.
It seems to be a constant surprise to some employers that servants
should insist on having the same human wants as themselves. Ladies who
yawn in their elegantly furnished parlors, among books and pictures, if
they have not company, parties, or opera to diversify the evening, seem
astonished and half indignant that cook and chambermaid are more
disposed to go out for an evening gossip than to sit on hard chairs in
the kitchen where they have been toiling all day. The pretty
chambermaid's anxieties about her dress, the minutes she spends at her
small and not very clear mirror, are sneeringly noticed by those whose
toilet-cares take up serious hours; and the question has never
apparently occurred to them why a serving-maid should not want to look
pretty as well as her mistress. She is a woman as well as they, with all
a woman's wants and weaknesses; and her dress is as much to her as
theirs to them.
A vast deal of trouble among servants arises from impertinent
interferences and petty tyrannical exactions on the
part of employers. Now, the authority of the master and mistress of a
house in regard to their domestics extends simply to the things they
have contracted to do and the hours during which they have contracted to
serve; otherwise than this, they have no more right to interfere with
them in the disposal of their time than with any mechanic whom they
employ. They have, indeed, a right to regulate the hours of their own
household, and servants can choose between conformity to these hours and
the loss of their situation; but, within reasonable limits, their right
to come and go at their own discretion, in their own time, should be
unquestioned.
If employers are troubled by the fondness of their servants for
dancing, evening company, and late hours, the proper mode of proceeding
is to make these matters a subject of distinct contract in hiring. The
more strictly and perfectly the business matters of the first engagement
of domestics are conducted, the more likelihood there is of mutual quiet
and satisfaction in the relation. It is quite competent to every
housekeeper to say what practices are or are not consistent with the
rules of her family, and what will be inconsistent with the service for
which she agrees to pay. It is much better to regulate such affairs by
cool contract in the outset than by warm altercations and protracted
domestic battles.
As to the terms of social intercourse, it seems somehow to be
settled in the minds of many employers that their servants owe them and
their family more respect than they and the family owe to the servants.
But do they? What is the relation of servant to employer in a democratic
country? Precisely that of a person who for money performs any kind of
service for you. The carpenter comes into your house to put up a set o
shelves--the cook comes into your kitchen to cook your dinner. You never
think that the carpenter owes you any more respect than you owe to him
because he is in your house doing your behests; he
is your fellow-citizen, you treat him with respect, you expect to be
treated with respect by him. You have a claim on him that he shall do
your work according to your directions--no more.
Now, I apprehend that there is a very common notion as to the
position and rights of servants which is quite different from this. Is
it not a common feeling that a servant is one who may be treated with a
degree of freedom by every member of the family which he or she may not
return? Do not people feel at liberty to question servants about their
private affairs, to comment on their dress and appearance, in a manner
which they would feel to be an impertinence, if reciprocated? Do they
not feel at liberty to express dissatisfaction with their perfomances in
rude and unceremonious terms, to reprove them in the presence of
company, while yet they require that the dissatisfaction of servants
shall be expressed only in terms of respect? A woman would not feel
herself at liberty to talk to her milliner or her dress-maker in
language as devoid of consideration as she will employ toward her cook
or chambermaid. And yet both are rendering her a service which she pays
for in money, and one is no more made her inferior thereby than the
other. Both have an equal right to be treated with courtesy. The master
and mistress of a house have a right to require courteous treatment from
all whom their roof shelters; but they have no more right to exact it of
servants than of every guest and every child, and they themselves owe it
as much to servants as to guests.
In order that servants may be treated with respect and courtesy, it
is not necessary, as in simpler patriarchal days, that they sit at the
family-table. Your carpenter or plumber does not feel hurt that you do
not ask him to dine with you, nor your milliner and mantua-maker that
you do not exchange ceremonious calls and invite them to your parties.
It is well understood that your relations with them are of a mere
business character. They never take it as an assumption of superiority
on your part that you do not admit them
to relations of private intimacy. There may be the most perfect respect
and esteem and even friendship between them and you, notwithstanding. So
it may be in the case of servants. It is easy to make any person
understand that there are quite other reasons than the assumption of
personal superiority for not wishing to admit servants to the family
privacy. It was not, in fact, to sit in the parlor or at the table, in
themselves considered, that was the thing aimed at by New-England girls;
these were valued only as signs that they were deemed worthy of respect
and consideration, and, where freely conceded, were often in point of
fact declined.
Let servants feel, in their treatment by their employers and in the
atmosphere of the family, that their position is held to be a
respectable one; let them feel, in the mistress of the family, the charm
of unvarying consideration and good manners; let their work-rooms be
made convenient and comfortable, and their private apartments bear some
reasonable comparison in point of agreeableness to those of other
members of the family, and domestic service will be more frequently
sought by a superior and self-respecting class. There are families in
which such a state of things prevails; and such families, amid the many
causes which unite to make the tenure of service uncertain, have
generally been able to keep good permanent servants.
There is an extreme into which kindly disposed people often run with
regard to servants which may be mentioned here. They make pets of them.
They give extravagant wages and indiscreet indulgences, and, through
indolence and easiness of temper, tolerate neglect of duty. Many of the
complaints of the ingratitude of servants come from those who have
spoiled them in this way; while many of the longest and most harmonious
domestic unions have sprung from a simple, quiet course of Christian
justice and benevolence, a recognition of servants as fellow-beings and
fellow-Christians, and a doing to them as we would in like circumstances
that they should do to us.
The mistresses of American families, whether they like
it or not, have the duties of missionaries imposed upon them by that
class from which our supply of domestic servants is drawn. They may as
well accept the position cheerfully, and, as one raw, untrained hand
after another passes through their family, and is instructed by them in
the mysteries of good house-keeping, comfort themselves with the
reflection that they are doing something to form good wives and mothers
for the republic.
The complaints made of Irish girls are numerous and loud; the
failings of green Erin, alas! are but too open and manifest; yet, in
arrest of judgment, let us move this consideration: let us imagine our
own daughters between the ages of sixteen and twenty-four, untaught and
inexperienced in domestic affairs as they commonly are, shipped to a
foreign shore to seek service in families. It may be questioned whether,
as a whole, they would do much better. The girls that fill our families
and do our house-work are often of the age of our own daughters,
standing for themselves, without mothers to guide them, in a foreign
country, not only bravely supporting themselves, but sending home in
every ship remittances to impoverished friends left behind. If our
daughters did as much for us, should we not be proud of their energy and
heroism?
When we go into the houses of our country, we find a majority of
well-kept, well-ordered, and even elegant establishments, where the only
hands employed are those of the daughters of Erin. True, American women
have been their instructors, and many a weary hour of care have they had
in the discharge of this office; but the result on the whole is
beautiful and good, and the end of it, doubtless, will be peace.
Instead, then, of complaining that we can not have our own peculiar
advantages and those of other nations too, or imagining how much better
off we should be if things were different from what they are, it is much
wiser and more Christianlike to strive cheerfully to conform to actual
circumstances;
and, after remedying all that we can control, patiently to submit to
what is beyond our power. If domestics are found to be incompetent,
unstable, and unconformed to their station, it is Perfect Wisdom which
appoints these trials to teach us patience, fortitude, and self-control;
and if the discipline is met in a proper spirit, it will prove a
blessing rather than an evil.
But to judge correctly in regard to some of the evils involved in
the state of domestic service in this country, we should endeavor to
conceive ourselves placed in the situation of those of whom complaint is
made, that we may not expect from them any more than it would seem right
should be exacted from us in similar circumstances.
It is sometimes urged against domestics that they exact exorbitant
wages. But what is the rule of rectitude on this subject? Is it not the
universal law of labor and of trade that an article is to be valued
according to its scarcity and the demand? When wheat is scarce, the
farmer raises his price; and when a mechanic offers services difficult
to be obtained, he makes a corresponding increase of price. And why is
it not right for domestics to act according to a rule allowed to be
correct in reference to all other trades and professions? It is a fact,
that really good domestic service must continue to increase in value
just in proportion as this country waxes rich and prosperous; thus
making the proportion of those who wish to hire labor relatively
greater, and the number of those willing to go to service less.
Money enables the rich to gain many advantages which those of more
limited circumstances can not secure. One of these is, securing good
servants by offering high wages; and this, as the scarcity of this class
increases, will serve constantly to raise the price of service. It is
right for domestics to charge the market value, and this value is always
decided by the scarcity of the article and the amount of demand. Right
views of this subject will sometimes serve to diminish hard feelings
toward those who
would otherwise be wrongfully regarded as unreasonable and exacting.
Another complaint against servants is that of instability and
discontent, leading to perpetual change. But in reference to this, let a
mother or daughter conceive of their own circumstances as so changed
that the daughter must go out to service. Suppose a place is engaged,
and it is then found that she must sleep in a comfortless garret; and
that, when a new domestic comes, perhaps a coarse and dirty foreigner,
she must share her bed with her. Another place is offered, where she can
have a comfortable room and an agreeable room-mate; in such a case,
would not both mother and daughter think it right to change?
Or suppose, on trial, it was found that the lady of the house was
fretful or exacting and hard to please, or that her children were so
ungoverned as to be perpetual vexations; or that the work was so heavy
that no time was allowed for relaxation and the care of a wardrobe; and
another place offers where these evils can be escaped; would not mother
and daughter here think it right to change? And is it not right for
domestics, as well as their employers, to seek places where they can be
most comfortable?
In some cases, this instability and love of change would be
remedied, if employers would take more pains to make a residence with
them agreeable, and to attach servants to the family by feelings of
gratitude and affection. There are ladies, even where well-qualified
domestics are most rare, who seldom find any trouble in keeping good and
steady ones. And the reason is, that their servants know they can not
better their condition by any change within reach. It is not merely by
giving them comfortable rooms, and good food, and presents, and
privileges, that the attachment of domestic servants is secured; it is
by the manifestation of a friendly and benevolent interest in their
comfort and improvement. This is exhibited in bearing patiently with
their faults; in kindly teaching them how to improve; in showing them
how to make and take proper care of their
clothes; in guarding their health; in teaching them to read if
necessary, and supplying them with proper books; and in short, by
endeavoring, so far as may be, to supply the place of parents. It is
seldom that such a course would fail to secure steady service, and such
affection and gratitude that even higher wages would be ineffectual to
tempt them away. There would probably be some cases of ungrateful
returns; but there is no doubt that the course indicated, if generally
pursued, would very much lessen the evil in question.
When servants are forward and bold in manners and disrespectful in
address, they may be considerately taught that those who are among the
best-bred and genteel have courteous and respectful manners and language
to all they meet: while many who have wealth, are regarded as vulgar,
because they exhibit rude and disrespectful manners. The very term
gentle man indicates the
refinement and delicacy of address which distinguishes the high-bred
from the coarse and vulgar.
In regard to appropriate dress, in most cases it is difficult for an
employer to interfere, directly,
with comments or advice. The most successful mode is to offer some
service in mending or making a wardrobe, and when a confidence in the
kindness of feeling is thus gained, remarks and suggestions will
generally be properly received, and new views of propriety and economy
can be imparted. In some cases it may be well for an employer who, from
appearances, anticipates difficulty of this kind, in making the
preliminary contract or agreement to state that she wishes to have the
room, person, and dress of her servants kept neat and in order, and that
she expects to remind them of their duty, in this particular, if it is
neglected. Domestic servants are very apt to neglect the care of their
own chambers and clothing; and such habits have a most pernicious
influence on their well-being and on that of their children in future
domestic life. An employer, then, is bound to exercise a parental care
over them, in these respects.
There is one great mistake, not unfrequently made, in the management
both of domestics and of children, and that is, in supposing that the
way to cure defects is by finding fault as each failing occurs. But
instead of this being true, in many cases the directly opposite course
is the best; while, in all instances, much good judgment is required in
order to decide when to notice faults and when to let them pass
unnoticed. There are some minds very sensitive, easily discouraged, and
infirm of purpose. Such persons, when they have formed habits of
negligence, haste, and awkwardness, often need expressions of sympathy
and encouragement rather than reproof. They have usually been found
fault with so much that they have become either hardened or desponding;
and it is often the case, that a few words of commendation will awaken
fresh efforts and renewed hope. In almost every case, words of kindness,
confidence, and encouragement should be mingled with the needful
admonitions or reproof.
It is a good rule, in reference to this point, to
forewarn instead of finding
fault. Thus, when a thing has been done wrong, let it pass unnoticed,
till it is to be done again; and then, a simple request to have it done
in the right way will secure quite as much, and probably more, willing
effort, than a reproof administered for neglect. Some persons seem to
take it for granted that young and inexperienced minds are bound to have
all the forethought and discretion of mature persons; and freely express
wonder and disgust when mishaps occur for want of these traits. But it
would be far better to save from mistake or forgetfulness by previous
caution and care on the part of those who have gained experience and
forethought; and thus many occasions of complaint and ill-humor will be
avoided.
Those who fill the places of heads of families are not very apt to
think how painful it is to be chided for neglect of duty or for faults
of character. If they would sometimes imagine themselves in the place of
those whom they
control, with some person daily administering reproof to them, in the
same tone and style as they
employ to those who are under them, it might serve as a useful check to
their chidings. It is often the case, that persons who are most strict
and exacting and least able to make allowances and receive palliations,
are themselves peculiarly sensitive to any thing which implies that they
are in fault. By such, the spirit implied in the Divine petition,
"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,"
needs especially to be cherished.
One other consideration is very important. There is no duty more
binding on Christians than that of patience and meekness under
provocations and disappointment. Now, the tendency of every sensitive
mind, when thwarted in its wishes, is to complain and find fault, and
that often in tones of fretfulness or anger. But there are few servants
who have not heard enough of the Bible to know that angry or fretful
fault-finding from the mistress of a family, when her work is not done
to suit her, is not in agreement with the precepts of Christ. They
notice and feel the inconsistency; and every woman, when she gives way
to feelings of anger and impatience at the faults of those around her,
lowers herself in their respect, while her own conscience, unless very
much blinded, can not but suffer a wound.
In speaking of the office of the American mistress as being a
missionary one, we are far from recommending any controversial
interference with the religious faith of our servants. It is far better
to incite them to be good Christians in their own way than to run the
risk of shaking their faith in all religion by pointing out to them what
seem to us the errors of that in which they have been educated. The
general purity of life and propriety of demeanor of so many thousands of
undefended young girls cast yearly upon our shores, with no home but
their church, and no shield but their religion, are a sufficient proof
that this religion exerts an influence over them not to be lightly
trifled with.
But there is a real unity even in opposite Christian forms; and the
Roman Catholic servant and the Protestant mistress, if alike possessed
by the spirit of Christ, and striving to conform to the Golden Rule, can
not help being one in heart, though one go to mass and the other to
meeting.
Finally, the bitter baptism through which we have passed, the
life-blood dearer than our own which has drenched distant fields, should
remind us of the preciousness of distinctive American ideas. They who
would seek in their foolish pride to establish the pomp of liveried
servants in America are doing that which is simply absurd. A servant can
never in our country be the mere appendage to another man, to be marked
like a sheep with the color of his owner; he must be a fellow-citizen,
with an established position of his own, free to make contracts, free to
come and go, and having in his sphere titles to consideration and
respect just as definite as those of any trade or profession whatever.
Moreover, we can not in this country maintain to any great extent
large retinues of servants. Even with ample fortunes, they are forbidden
by the general character of society here, which makes them cumbrous and
difficult to manage. Every mistress of a family knows that her cares
increase with every additional servant. Two keep the peace with each
other and their employer; three begin a possible discord, which
possibility increases with four, and becomes certain with five or six.
Trained housekeepers, such as regulate the complicated establishments of
the old world, form a class that are not, and from the nature of the
case never will be, found in any great numbers in this country. All such
women, as a general thing, are keeping, and prefer to keep, houses of
their own.
A moderate style of housekeeping, small, compact, and simple
domestic establishments, must necessarily be the general order of life
in America. So many openings of profit are to be found in this country,
that domestic service necessarily wants the permanence which forms so
agreeable a feature of it in the old world.
This being the case, it should be an object in America to exclude
from the labors of the family all that can, with greater advantage, be
executed out of it by combined labor.
Formerly, in New-England, soap and candles were to be made in each
separate family; now, comparatively few take this toil upon them. We buy
soap of the soap-maker, and candles of the candle-factor. This principle
might be extended much further. In France, no family makes its own
bread, and better bread can not be eaten than can be bought at the
appropriate shops. No family does its own washing; the family's linen is
all sent to women who, making this their sole profession, get it up with
a care and nicety which can seldom be equaled in any family.
How would it simplify the burdens of the American housekeeper to
have washing and ironing day expunged from her calendar! How much more
neatly and compactly could the whole domestic system be arranged! If all
the money that each separate family spends on the outfit and
accommodations for washing and ironing, on fuel, soap, starch, and the
other requirements, were united in a fund to create a laundry for every
dozen families, one or two good women could do in first rate style what
now is very indifferently done by the disturbance and disarrangement of
all other domestic processes in these families. Whoever sets
neighborhood-laundries on foot will do much to solve the American
housekeeper's hardest problem.
Again, American women must not try with three servants to carry on
life in the style which in the old world requires sixteen; they must
thoroughly understand, and be prepared
to teach, every branch of housekeeping; they must study to make
domestic service desirable, by treating their servants in a way to lead
them to respect themselves and to feel themselves respected; and there
will gradually be evolved from the present confusion a solution of the
domestic problem which shall be adapted to the life of a new and growing
world.
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